WELCOME TO THE
FUNHOUSE
An Evening of Horror One-Acts Plays by
George Cameron Grant
Four tales. Four nightmares. No way out.
WELCOME TO THE FUNHOUSE is a collection of four darkly comic tales of love, obsession, memory and madness, where the familiar becomes frightening and nothing—or no one—is quite what it seems.
THE LOVERS KISS
"Provocative, unnerving, thought-provoking, and Albee-esque,
THE LOVERS KISS grabs you and never lets go!"
-Angela Hatcher, Theatre Critic, OC, LA
Two killers. One app. True love can be murder.
Wendy and Ted have just had the perfect first date. They like the same wine. The same art. They even share an obsession with René Magritte’s The Lovers. The chemistry is undeniable. It seems an online dating site has finally accomplished the impossible: brought together two people who are absolutely made for each other.
But back at Wendy’s apartment, flirtation takes a darker turn. A scarf tightens. A tie follows. And before the evening is over, Wendy and Ted discover they have something far more unusual in common than their taste in art.
They’ve each been looking for love.
They’ve each been looking for victims.
And now they’ve found each other.
THE LOVERS KISS is a wickedly funny, macabre one-act about romance, obsession and the terrifying possibility that somewhere out there really is someone for everyone. The play culminates in a delicious visual homage to Magritte’s The Lovers as this decidedly unconventional couple shares its first kiss.
1F; 1M. Aprroximately 15 minutes.
WINNER! BEST PLAY!
Theatre Project Think Fast One-Act Fest, 2018
SACRIFICE
"Like having a 'Twilight Zone' episode on stage.
Expertly written, loved by audiences!"
-John Chatterton, Founder & Executive Producer, MITF, NYC
Romeo was done with Emily. But Emily wasn't through with him.
It’s Prom morning, and Emily has just been dumped. Her boyfriend Mark has traded her in for another girl, then made matters worse by sharing Emily’s furious response with his friends. Hurt, humiliated and carrying a secret of her own, Emily finds herself alone when a handsome young stranger named Romeo enters her life.
He’s charming, cocky and calls himself a magician. A few card tricks and silver dollars later, Romeo thinks he’s found an easy conquest. Emily invites him home, where an approaching storm provides the perfect backdrop for seduction. But there is something about Emily—and her strangely empty house—that Romeo doesn’t understand.
And when he finally discovers the truth, the trick is on him.
SACRIFICE is a darkly comic supernatural horror play about betrayal, guilt, revenge and the terrifying lengths a family will go to protect one of its own. What begins as a familiar tale of teenage heartbreak gradually twists into something far more sinister, building toward a macabre revelation in which love, justice and sacrifice become frighteningly difficult to tell apart.
2F; 5M; flexible ensemble of M&F Teens, as needed. Approximately 30 minutes.
THE BICYCLE BELL
Some nightmares never let go.
A horrifying dream jolts Joey awake during his first night with Jess. When she presses him to explain what frightened him so badly, Joey reluctantly takes her back to his ninth birthday in the Bronx—and the most beautiful thing he'd ever owned: a brand-new black Royce Union English Racer, complete with a gleaming, rotating bicycle bell.
There was only one problem. To keep his prized bicycle safe, Joey had to leave it in the one place he feared more than anything else: the dark, dank bicycle room in the basement of his apartment building. Getting there meant passing garbage, cockroaches, shadowy rooms and a dimly lit hallway filled with sounds a nine-year-old imagination could turn into monsters.
Then, late one night, Joey looked from his fifth-floor window and saw something moving through the darkness below—a black, faceless shape climbing walls and fences before disappearing into his building's basement.
The following morning, Joey discovered his bicycle exactly where he'd left it.
But the bell was gone.
And somewhere behind him in the darkness...
BRRING-BRRING!
BRRING-BRRING!
BRRING-BRRING!
THE BICYCLE BELL is a darkly funny supernatural one-act about childhood fear, memory and the nightmares we carry into adulthood. What begins as an intimate conversation between two new lovers becomes a chilling trip into the past—and raises one terrifying question:
What if the only way to escape your nightmare is to give it to someone else?
1F; 2M. Approximately 20 minutes.
WELCOME TO THE FUNHOUSE
Bobby just wants a happy family. Or else.
It’s breakfast time in a picture-perfect American home. Mom is making pancakes. Dad is getting ready for work. And their son Bobby wants nothing more than for his family to sit down together and be happy.
Except this isn't Bobby's family.
Behind the grotesquely smiling mask of a grown man is a frightened little boy who remembers another breakfast table, another mother and father—and a childhood filled with alcoholism, anger and abuse. Now Bobby is determined to recreate the family life he was denied, and his unwilling participants had better get every detail right.
Because Bobby doesn't like mistakes.
As past and present begin to collide, we discover the damaged child beneath the monster—and the horrifying logic behind what he has become. Bobby believes children deserve parents who love them, listen to them and make them feel safe.
And he has developed his own terrifying way of dealing with the ones who don't.
WELCOME TO THE FUNHOUSE is a darkly comic psychological horror play about childhood trauma, memory and the terrible consequences of carrying an old nightmare into adulthood. What begins like an impossibly cheerful 1950s family sitcom gradually fractures into something much darker, where pancakes are imaginary, parents are replaceable—and Bobby gets to decide who deserves to go home.
You can take the boy out of the nightmare. But can you take the nightmare out of the boy?
4M; 3F, Doubling possible. Approximately 25 minutes.